If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
