all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
