she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
