take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
