I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
