you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
