Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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