That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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