I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
