Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
