I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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