She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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