Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I am available for nakedness
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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