Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
