No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Boobs speak an international language.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
