No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
