Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
