This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
