Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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