I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
