I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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