You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
