you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
