nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
you never un-have a 4some
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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