We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
