Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
no you cant smoke seaweed
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
