never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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