Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
