i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
