He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
