He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
