i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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