Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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