we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
