i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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