There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
