Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
