**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
