Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
