The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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