You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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