I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
