we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
should my penis look like a turkey
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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