The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
