I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
