I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
