FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
