I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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