Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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