one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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