when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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