So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
