so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
